New Reality Show Idea: The Most Annoying Couple In America

In case anyone is wondering who the most annoying couple in America is, he and she were seated in 11B and 11C on USAirways flight 657 from Philadelphia to San Francisco Wednesday morning. Shuffling a brand new deck of cards for two hours and discussing at length every single clue in the crossword puzzle for the next hour were just warmups.

But then, in the fourth hour of the flight, as the woman continued her hacking cough that more often than not went uncovered, her Phillies-shirted husband read aloud to her all the combinations available in each of the flight's six-dollar snack boxes ("you know how I love a good salami, hon" remarked the not-once-funny woman with the coffee-stained sweater).

That exchange ended as the food arrived, giving way to a new conversation critiquing the previously mentioned snack combinations. I typed this recap on the Blackberry to keep myself occupied since all my magazines had been read and the flight staff didn't sell suicide pills. Only two hours of this high-flying hell left.

A short time later, I'd realized the dude's flip flops had been off and he'd been barefoot the entire time. And minutes later, the salami-loving wife grabbed into her bag to pull out some cold medicine. If I get sick this week, I will be pissed.