Two More Cents On Anna Nicole

Now that the Anna Nicole Smith hullabaloo seems to have died down some, here are my two cents:

I have no idea why this person was so celebrated. She succeeded merely at being a brainless millionaire. Blond hair, big tits and completely devoid of any character.

If we've learned one thing upon reflection since her death, it's that trailer trash can certainly make it big. Just start out as a stripper, get impregnated as a teen, present yourself as a whore loudly enough for Playboy to take notice in the form of a rich contract, get an enormously disgusting tattoo on your back, hate your mom, marry a zillionaire three times your age, treat your newfound irrelevance by gaining 100 pounds, make a comeback by embarrassing yourself with that joke of a reality TV show, lose the weight and then spend the last few years of your life being a camera-hungry pill addict and acting like a Marilyn Monroe wannabe.

Certainly Anna had to have had image consultants, but none seemed to tell her of the difference between paparazzi and studio photographers. So much of the file video that's been flashed on television the last several days shows Anna posing like she's in a photo shoot for a truck-stop soft-porn mag. Red-carpet events really aren't the place for tongue shots, but that girl is so fucking dumb I think the national average IQ just went up by a full point with her death.

And even in death there's more to her loser legacy. Three men claim to be the father of her 6-month-old daughter, whose name is quite trailer itself. Dannielynn? I think I've seen that name before -- on a theme-park airbrushed T-shirt back in 1989. What a summer that was.