Scream Of Consciousness

I shaved the beard off on Sunday, and got my hair cut on Monday. I woke up on Tuesday and wasn't fully pleased with my haircut. It's almost too short. I went from looking like Grizzly Adams to a women's college basketball coach in just 24 hours.

When I used to treat women poorly back in college, I was casually dating a gal named Lisa. I lived with five dudes at the time in this four-floor party house. It was sweet if you were 21. Anyway, we were all fourth- and fifth-year students and we always had people over at all times of day and night.

One Sunday night after we all got back from a weekend road trip at Ohio University, where we were furthering our alcohol consumption research, we had two different groups of gals over. One roommate was friends with the younger sister of one of his old neighborhood buds. She would sometimes bring over her fellow freshmen girlfriends, one of whom I was particularly interested in. Lisa and a couple of her girls were over as well, and once she was ready to pass out, I told her to go upstairs and I'd be up shortly. Of course, an hour passed, and I was still trying to make some progress with young Brandy. Lisa came down and I sent her back up with possibly one of my rudest lines ever: "Go back upstairs and put on some Enigma, and I'll be up there in a minute."

I've been thinking about buying a sixer or a decent bottle of wine and walking around the city with it. Now that the weather is getting nicer, I'm bound to find a party in the neighborhood. I feel like it would be an exciting challenge to approach the partygoers by making up something like, "Hey, is this Chad's place?" And once they tell me it's not, I'll steer the conversation (I'm a master at that) in a way that leaves my new acquaintances no other option but to invite me in.

"I could have sworn he said it was right around here. Stupid me."

Next, I'd take my bottle of wine or the sixer inside and charm the pants off a group of total strangers by regaling them in tales of my perverted mischief. I think I would enjoy being the hit of a party where I know no one. Of course there's always a chance I'll be found out for the fraud I am and get my ass kicked. Many people who don't know me think I'm gay, and I imagine some who do know me think the same, so I should be extremely careful not to stray toward the wrong crowd. The smart bet would be to scrap the plan entirely. But if you've ever seen my bank statement, you know I seldom place money on the smart bet.

Check out my friend Jason's Web site. He's an old college buddy from Cincinnati, and he's getting pretty good at painting what non-art-smart people like me would call "glow-in-the-dark shit." But it's actually a little more technical than that. His site shows his paintings as they appear normally, but once you mouse over them, you see what they look like after changes in lighting are applied. This isn't just a trick on his Web site either. This is how his pieces look in person. They're really cool, even if you haven't had a puff. Expect big things from him in the future. He's going to be rich and I'll expect him to buy me some Hardee's and Budweisers in the near future.