My Letter To Best Buy

Hi, thanks for replying to me via Twitter. I'm @wisejohnp and today I lobbed a whiny note about Best Buy's poor customer service.

I just moved to South Florida from New York, where my friends and I were in practically unanimous agreement that despite Best Buy's many and convenient locations, great selection of products and frequent sales, the customer service has long been its Achilles heel.

Anyway, I've been in West Palm Beach for about six weeks and have been pricing HD TVs for my first such purchase. Yes, I'm a grown man still with an old, bulky, heavy tube TV!

Then hhgregg opened up in South Florida and offered these get-out-of-town prices. I went there to purchase my big fancy TV (can't wait for the Super Bowl!) because their grand opening prices were unbeatable. But I'm not just about the money. I'm glad to bring my business back to Best Buy for future purchases, but now I'm not so sure after this latest customer-service nightmare.

Last night, I spent about 30-40 minutes either on hold or talking to folks overseas who spend more of their time prefacing their statements with repetitive and unnecessary pleasantries than they do making actual statements. I know they're happy to help me, but they don't need to tell me that after I tell them my middle initial or my zip code. In all, I spoke to three people before it was determined that the department I needed to speak to was closed for the night.

So I called back while at work today and again was routed and re-routed and placed on hold before I learned the answer to my question was ... NO! Probably another 20-30 minutes wasted today.

Here was my simple issue that should not have taken a total of one hour to have been addressed: I recently received a 10 percent off coupon in the mail simply because it's my birthday this month. It's tomorrow, in fact. I was looking around my home for it last night because I was planning to hit a Best Buy this weekend to purchase a receiver to go with my newly purchased TV. I don't remember what the expiration date on the coupon was, but since my birthday is tomorrow (July 30), I figured it's probably approaching. I can't find the dang thing and I figured with all that's technologically available, surely the fine folks in Minnesota can email me a new coupon and just cancel out the code on the previously mailed coupon. Or maybe use the same code, I don't know. Or, God forbid, just TRUST this customer who's going to such great lengths to save such a small amount of money and just re-issue a coupon -- maybe one larger than 10 percent at this point, cough cough -- for his trouble and renewed loyalty.

To add insult to injury, as I was hanging up with the last customer service rep -- or is it customer-care agent or customer-satisfaction specialist or positive-experience technician? -- told me that I can text "SAVE" to 332211 and I'll get a reply with that day's coupon, which I thought was cool. Until, of course, I got a reply -- a prompt one, I'll admit -- telling me that my Reward Zone mobile coupons have expired. What a tease.

Anyway, like I said, I'm more than comfortable returning to Best Buy. I actually love being in your stores. Oh, the possibilities. But now that there's an hhgregg in town, I have to say it's just as fun going over there as well.

An Open Letter

Dear Tiger Woods:

Congratulations on your dramatic win at the U.S. Open, and best wishes as you continue to recover from your recent knee surgery.

Before we see you compete for next month's British Open, can you and Steve Williams please work on your high-fives? Even when executed perfectly, the high-five, we all know, is incredibly weak. But you guys still don't get it right, unless, of course, you're trying to look like white fools shooting a Dockers commercial or something.

Must Shut Up

Dear Sports Media:

A must-win situation is only a situation where the team facing it will be eliminated from the playoffs if it loses that next game.

A 2-0 series deficit in a best-of-7 is not a must-win for the trailing team, so please quit trying to make things more dramatic than they are. That's called lying.

And a "virtual" must-win is the same thing as being somewhat pregnant. It's either a must-win or it's not. Please make a note of it.

An Open Letter

Dear Adam Sandler:

Please let me know when you decide to make your first good movie. "You Don't Mess With The Zohan" will not be it.

Or, maybe you can just give me some tips on how to command as many millions as you do, despite not ever being funny.

Thank you.

An Open Letter

Dear Digger Phelps:

You weren't terrible as usual during the regular season with your analysis, but now that I'm glued to the set the last eight days or so, please stop with your annoying habit of asking yourself rhetorical questions.

ESPN's studio analysts just went around the horn with their picks for today's top games: "I think Duke wants to win today to get a rematch with who? North Carolina in tomorrow's ACC final."

Oh, really, does Duke want to win today? Is that what you think?

"Oklahoma is a good team but not good enough to win today. Why? Because Texas' guards didn't play well yesterday and I'm sure they want to redeem themselves, and they'll get it done today against the Sooners."

Dude, the questions and the "get it done" line have been incredibly tiresome for years. Get some new game please.

Thank you.

Sincerely,
Everyone

An Open Letter

Dear Cleveland Mom:

Please clean up your young son's mohawk haircut, not because his school is demanding it, but because it's a mohawk haircut. Even Parma is embarrassed.

Sincerely,
Country Music,
NASCAR,
Old Milwaukee Light