Tiresome Trash

I once played basketball with ESPN correspondent Bob Holtzman, who seemed like quite a nice guy, especially when I took his ass baseline a time or two. No offense to him, but the subject matter of his Bengals-Falcons tease at 10:30 a.m. Sunday was exactly what is so devastatingly tiresome about sports media in today's SportsCenter era.

Bengals star wideout Chad Johnson has spent this week running some smack about Atlanta cornerback DeAngelo Hall, who will mark him in today's NFL game at Cincinnati. The two are friends and the smack talk is fairly standard for diva wideouts and those who cover them, not just in the moments leading up to kickoff. Johnson and Hall apparently talk regularly on the telephone during the week.

But Holtzman played the angle up as seriously as if it was a Cory Lidle aircraft flying into a building. It went something like this: "Chad Johnson keeps a dry-erase board in his locker, and on it he lists the opposing team's corner who is scheduled to cover him on Sundays during the season. All the names are in a plain bold font, except one -- DeAngelo Hall's, which is in big red letters."

Are sports really that gay that we're talking about to-do lists and Crayola colors? Sheesh, just play the fucking game and shut up already. Not only is trash-talking quite tired, but now we have abundant coverage of it by the sports media, which crowds around postgame lockers of great athletes, those holding the mikes wanting so badly to be liked by these millionaire bitch boys. I'm embarrassed to say I was one of those slaps.

I can't bang on trash talk, however, without a couple of nods. Giants cornerback R.W. McQuarters told Sports Illustrated recently that he routinely asks receivers "What did you buy at the mall this week?" And the once notoriously talkative wideout Cris Carter once recommended the NFL's dental plan to an unattractive DB between plays. "You should take advantage of it," he said. Good stuff.