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Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Porn

When you're a college kid, there are two givens when you live with a few of your buddies:

1) There's always a porno cued up in the VCR.
2) You're always looking to pull a prank.

In my fifth year of college, these two facts came together in harmony more perfect than that from Paul McCartney's timeless classic, "Ebony and Ivory."

JB, Matt, Erin and I lived in the Hyde Park suburb of Cincinnati, but we still partied often in the college area of Clifton, about six or seven miles away. We all crashed in Clifton on a Thursday night and got back to our Hyde Park home at about 9 a.m. Friday morning. So there we were, all sitting in the living room, fully clothed early on a weekday morning, quite a rarity for this oft-hungover group.

That's when we heard a "Hello, anybody there?" come from the front door downstairs. We'd forgotten that the landlord was trying to sell the building, so an agent brought over a young couple to look at the house.

There were 12 stairs leading up to our second-floor living room, and as the agent and couple were walking up the steps, I casually got up with the VCR remote in hand, slowly lumbered out of the living room really without being noticed, and once it sounded like our visitors were on the 12th step, I hit PLAY on the remote and sprinted toward the back of the house and up to my third-floor bedroom, where I got in bed and pretended to be fast asleep.

I almost wish I could have been in the room to see the young couple's faces as they entered the room with a porno scene on the TV.

JB pulled an odd move when he ran past his own third-floor room and into mine to hide in my closet. And, just as you'd expect from an ABC sitcom, the couple came into my room, apologized for "waking me up," and then perused my space per my encouragement. "Sure, check the closets," I begged, but JB was on the other side holding onto the knob for dear life, a habit he clearly mastered in multiple ways back then.

Once the woman struggled enough with the knob, I told her it sticks and assured her there was plenty of closet space. If I really wanted to weird the family out, I would have gotten out of bed and opened the closet door myself, but I probably had a boner.

2 Comments:

At 8:51 AM EST, Blogger brokedickdog said...

instant classic-
I like hearing your stories in this format.

I think most would agree your verbal storytelling skills need some work.

I am Polish

 
At 9:06 AM EST, Blogger Big Primpin' said...

Then stay tuned for the green spandex story.

 

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