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Monday, May 26, 2008

See Jane Marry

Moments after walking a gal to her train after our first date over the winter, I got on my own uptown train and stood next to a lovely gal -- we'll call her "Jane" -- who ended up accepting my kind invitation to join her for a drink at 1 a.m.

We've played a little phone and text tag here and there since, usually at times like when we first met. I believe there's a name for those types of calls.

Nothing really materialized, but we do still talk occasionally and say we're going to get together soon, which some friends lately are too clear to remind me is fast becoming my favorite line. Sorry.

Anyway, here was a text Monday night from Jane, who by the way is from Venezuela: "Hi how r u? is jane. Im looking 4 a fake husband just married for business ($$) to make my paper of resident. if u r interesting let me know."

Her mediocre English caused me to jump to two conclusions when I read this: 1) That her English is only mediocre, and 2) she's looking for an American man with some money to help her start a business.

Turns out I was way off. Jane needs a husband, and fast, or else she will be deported.

Now if you scroll down and look in the right rail, you'll see that Debt Valley is around $5,000 and falling.

But Jane says she can drop $8,000 on me if I marry her Friday. She's got a good job and seems to have her act together, and wants to keep it that way. She's here legally, but is now seeking political asylum because, well, wouldn't you if Hugo Chavez ruled your home country?

Jane can't go back to Venezuela because once she's there, she won't be able to leave. She also tells me that she can't have certain documents mailed here by her family because the Chavez regime looks at all outgoing and incoming mail.

Needless to say, that eight grand would come in handy for me. This is all a true story, but what might seem hard to believe is that I'd actually consider it. I probably won't be getting married on Friday or anytime soon, but just wanted to get your reaction.

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9 Comments:

At 8:53 AM EDT, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Congrats on the wedding........I mean the money.

 
At 11:37 AM EDT, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You're in your late 30's. What could you possibly be holding on to? Just do it.

 
At 11:54 AM EDT, Blogger Big Primpin' said...

Ouch.

And I think I'm still mid-30s.

This is not the feedback I was looking for!

 
At 12:40 PM EDT, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just do it..It's sounds like it would be a great story for a long time to come!! Plus the $$$ sounds great.

 
At 5:57 PM EDT, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Go for it! I need a night out and your bachelor party is a good excuse.

 
At 6:21 PM EDT, Anonymous Anonymous said...

would you help out if jane was a juan? $8k isn't that much, half the cost of a nice honda "fit".
eject my man.

 
At 6:39 PM EDT, Blogger Big Primpin' said...

Wishful thinking, Miles. I don't know if Jane would be cool with that. I already have to clean out the garage this weekend.

 
At 9:31 AM EDT, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why not set a time and a place for your wedding and pull a "Hot and Flakey", after all you are not in the Midwest home-slice.

 
At 2:02 PM EDT, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Is "Hot and Flakey" the new Dirty Sanchez? That really would set the tone when you consummate the marriage.

 

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