My Year In Review, Part II

(In case you missed Part I)

Are you like me? Do you let email pile up? Be it your work or personal inbox, do you do a poor job of filing, saving and deleting? I do. And with about six weeks left in my job at FOX, I found myself staring at an inbox that had 7,800 emails in it. I had to do something.

And what did I do?

I thought of you. Yeah, that's right. I thought of you.

I went through all of those emails and set aside some funny stuff, and just a few other good ones, with an eye on the end of the year. So just when you thought you'd read every Year-Ender list, here's one more. The best of my 7,800 emails that didn't get deleted. Enjoy!

+ I forget exactly how many seconds after John McCain's VP selection announcement that this site went up.

+ More than you'll ever need to know about penile fracture.

+ brokedickdog sent in a great video of a dude nearly breaking his neck doing the traditional Preakness Stakes Urinal Run. I tried to go back there the other day, but the video was taken offline. I searched on YouTube, and found a decent consolation.

+ For fans of top-quality music videos. I'm pretty sure Wall sent this one in.

+ If Arun sends in something from The Onion, shall we attribute Arunion?

+ Cool slideshow of New York, with narration, also from Arun.

+ Can't remember who sent me this short note in 2008:

"Good to hear from you, John! Hope all is well. Right when you can."

+ And some silliness from Mom over the summer:

"Is it okay for me to call Cindy McCain an airhead?"

+ Intern Kevin kept things light for us at FIM over the summer.

+ I think LA Sue sent this to me.

+ Inspiring words from my boy Lee in California:

"Take care of yourself John…and remember…life is short…don’t be a slave to just survive…do what you love and you’ll find everything you need."

+ An email from one of my dudes in Cincinnati, who would probably prefer to remain nameless here. We both enjoy making fun of the business I work in:

Jon Stewart's name for dumbass TV reporters who don hip waders and do live shots in flood waters: "human dipsticks."

Make sure you get that list of July 4 safety tips ready for the web page, Wise. I want to make sure I know how to not blow myself up.

My old TV finally died about a month ago, so I had to buy a new one. Kinda the first time I've watched hi-def on a regular basis..... Let's just say HD doesn't do any favors for (Ken) Broo or Kit Andrews.

I know Denise Richards has a seat on your plane-crash plane..... I was never really sure why, but I trust your judgment. But now, I'm watching her reality show on E.....it's all becoming clear to me. At the same time, I can't stop watching it. She's such an idiot."

+ My friend Lee sends me lots of links, and I'm usually at work and in the middle of things so his contributions often fall by the wayside. But this is an excellent read if you have a few minutes.

+ brokedickdog or Wall sent this in. It is excellent. Watch it now if you can. NSFW.

+ Genius marketing from the 1970s.

+ Odd imports usually come from brokedickdog.

+ "While making small talk with an older female patient, she mentioned that the "Kentucky Jelly" on her breakfast tray had a very strange taste. When I asked to see the jelly, the woman handed me a foil packet labeled 'KY Jelly.'" More similar stories here.

+ Bad motorcycle wreck. I hate the unfunny "wait for it" line, but seriously, wait for it.

+ Another goodie from brokedickdog.

+ Outstanding video in real-time, but stick around for the slow-motion replays.

+ Complete morons can be seen right here.

+ Sweet mugshots.

+ Don't be this person.

+ No surprise here.

+ A Cubs fan does something cool.

+ From Wall, regarding my Celebrity Plane Crash:

"If Clemens is not already on that bad boy, get him some first class reservations."

+ From my boy Dave in Cincinnati:

Props to Kristin finding the perfect birfday card for me. On the front: a picture of two women talking:

"Where's your birthday party at?"
"Don't end a sentence with a preposition."

(Open card, same photo on the inside)

"Where's your birthday party at, bitch?"

+ This is not from 2008, but you should watch it anyway.

+ If you know my man Frank from FOX, you know he's incredibly nice and polite, and certainly he doesn't try too hard to be funny. Which makes his stuff even funnier. I sent this email to a friend at some point this year:

"Some building maintenance dudes are doing some work in our small-ish area on Monday. So seven of them (all wearing union sweatshirts, old jeans, workboots) felt the need to come down just now and have 7 different conversations for 10 minutes, as they examined the wall they’re going to knock down or whatever, then they split after about 10 minutes. The wall is where this one, tiny, TI-99-looking printer from 1980 is stationed. When the guys were filing out, my dude Frank says, “Did you guys fix the paper jam?"

+ Another note from Dave in Cincinnati:

"Wichita....... The city for people who find Cincinnati too stimulating."

+ I never get tired of watching live news gone wild, especially in a 3-minute compilation format.

+ From John in Cincinnati:

"Did I ever tell you guys about the people who had indoor/outdoor carpeting for a yard? It was on my street when I grew up. We drove by one time and the lady was out there in her bath robe, smoking a cigarette, VACUUMING the front yard."

+ From brokedickdog:

A Tale Of Enchantment

A Fairy Tale...

One day, long, long ago....... there lived a woman who did not

whine, nag or bitch.

But this was a long time ago....... and it was just that one day.

+ Don't be the first guy to pass out in front of your friends.