Don't 'Jerk' Off In Cincinnati

You've heard my complaints about Cincinnati many times, and now, the world's most conservative city just got a little more conservative.

If you go to see the ballet, er, the orchestra, er, an NFL FOOTBALL GAME, you must be on your best behavior. Otherwise, as long as the well-mannered fan next to you has a cell phone, you might get kicked out.

That's right, the Cincinnati Bengals have introduced The Jerk Line, which allows less spirited patrons to call a hotline to basically tattle-tail (is it tattle-tale?) on you.

It's an NFL football game for Siragusa's sake. There's supposed to be beer and swearing and farting and other symptoms of Male Sunday Syndrome. But in our too-polite modern culture of safety for, sensitivity toward and inclusion of everyone, we err on the side of being boring, especially in a city like Cincinnati.

I can just see a rowdy Bengals fan the next time rival Pittsburgh comes to town:

"Hey, Roethlisberger, I know you're an Ohio native and I'm pleased that you've made a speedy recovery from your motorcycle accident, but stop leading your team down the field against my Bengals. I hope you throw an incompletion on your next pass you big poopyhead."

And it's not surprising that Bob Bedinghaus is behind the effort; he's the guy who, once Hamilton County voters approved the half-cent sales tax increase 10 years ago, took the money and said, "OK, thanks for the cash. Now you just sit back and we white men in suits will figure out where to build the new stadiums," without for a second giving those same voters a say in the matter. Jackass.