Booming Bubble Business

At some point, broadcasting companies did enough research -- or so they thought -- to feel justified in bringing news into your living rooms more often than at 6 and 11.

Morning shows were lengthened. The 6 o'clock news suddenly started to begin at 5, and in some markets 4. The noon show was created and then expanded. And some stations offer a 10 o'clock news instead of or in addition to their late news shows.

And oh yeah, those 24-hour cable news networks.

All this because our selfish, I-want-it-now culture demands it.

Don't get me wrong. Immediacy certainly has its perks, especially in TV and online news. You think anyone got the news about the Virginia Tech bloodbath by picking up this morning's paper? Me neither.

But such urgency also means more information travels faster, and to quote a network pretty from Monday afternoon, "Information is coming in, and some of it is accurate." Hooray!

Now that we've had almost a whole 24 hours of wall-to-wall on this awful tragedy, the experts feel it's time to chime in. Gun control reform, some scream, while others demand the firings of the university president and the police chief, among other high-ranking people.

This kills me.

When unthinkable crimes like mass shootings take place, it takes a while to turn numerous accounts from eyewitnesses and purported eyewitnesses into the confirmed facts of the case. On the surface, it does appear that the school suffered from a mild case of inaction.

But again, until the facts of the case are determined, don't so simply urge for the president to be immediately removed. What should he have done? Reach into his backpack for his trusty "Campus Mass-Shootings Survival Guide," and flip to page 72 for tips on handling such an occurrence?

Hmmm, says here that if he shoots up a dorm, in all likelihood he'll end up at the classroom building on the other side of the field. We'd better get some security over there.

Seriously, would a different university president have prevented this from happening?

Unfortunately, such tragedies are becoming all too common, but fortunately, not yet common enough that only a handful of colleges have had to endure them. It's still new to a lot of people, and there's no way a school president can be expected to protect 30,000 students at all times.

Maybe at freshman orientation, he can hand out bullet-proof bubbles to all incoming students so they can stay safe from future dangers.

Perhaps they can do that at all schools, or maybe at all sporting events across the globe, wherever tens of thousands of people are gathered in one location. I'm sure we'd end up commercializing our bullet-proof bubbles with monogramming and Louis Vuitton logos and so forth. It could be a booming bubble business!

I'd like to ramble more, but I've got some news to write. You've demanded it.