Texas Toast: Bucks 24, Longhorns 7

There's an old eastern tradition that suggests if you make tentative plans for three years to attend the Ohio State-Texas game in Austin, Texas, but end up not going, it's important to instead stay home alone, watch the game, drink beer by yourself and keep a running update about it on your blog. Enjoy:

(I took this picture of OSU coach Jim Tressel talking to ESPN's Lisa Salters moments after the game. And no, it wasn't the first time I'd taken a picture of my television.)

7:30 -- Woke up from an unplanned nap, went to the store and bought 12 Budweisers.

7:56 -- Didn't feel like I had enough energy to whole-heartedly support my Buckeyes, so I took my first shower since Friday morning. It was a cold one and I feel like I'm ready to drink and cheer and swear at the TV. All by myself.

8:14 -- Kickoff

8:15 -- Cracked open my first beer

8:16 -- Cheered loudly -- by myself -- as Troy Smith connected with Ted Ginn for 46 yards on the second play of the game.

8:20 -- Good buddy John Boel called from Louisville to see if I was drunk. He sounded disappointed when I told him I'd just opened my first beer. Then I swore at the TV when OSU missed a 28-yard field goal. I'm sure I'll talk to Boel again before this game is over.

8:25 -- After Texas' first possession ended harmlessly, ABC showed a few quick OSU highlights as it bumped out to a commercial. One was of Troy Smith scrambling toward a touchdown in a game at Indiana last year, a game that I shot from the OSU sideline. I actually saw myself in the three-second highlight, and the reason I know it was me is that I was the only jackass draped head to toe in a yellow rainsuit in Bloomington that day.

8:44 -- When I shot that game at IU last year, I noticed that young OSU defensive back Malcolm Jenkins was the world's biggest trash-talker. So when Texas' Limas Sweed drew an interference call on Jenkins near the goal line and was talking shit to Jenkins, he had nothing to say back because he knew he'd been burned. Sweed had a right to start something, though I don't know if that pass was catchable.

8:46 -- As I was typing the entry above, OSU recovered a fumble at the 2-yard line and returned it to midfield to not only evade an early deficit but also possibly set up its own offensive opportunity with the field cut in half. Mack Brown is a moron for challenging this fumble call.

8:48 -- Just saw ABC's bottom-line ticker and learned that the Detroit Shock just won another WNBA Championship. That's awesome.

8:49 -- Could Anthony Gonzalez (Cleveland St. Ignatius High School) possibly have better hands? He just doesn't miss.

8:51 -- Beer No. 2.

8:53 -- Speedy Gonzalez strikes again. He ran a tight route, burned his man and put himself in position to receive what had to have been a perfect strike from Smith, who nailed his target in the front corner of the end zone for the game's first touchdown.

8:56 -- Boel calls back to ask about Gonzalez, who I saw play a couple times in high school when he played for coach Chuck Kyle. Gonzalez would be a No. 1 receiver at a lot of other schools; he just happens to be playing opposite Ginn.



9:12 -- Called my old dude Barry (pictured, right) out in San Francisco. He's also watching and drinking alone. We're a couple of winners. I prefer Bud in bottles. Barry likes it in the can, if you know what I'm saying.

"First of all, Texas Stadium is gay," was one of his opening lines. Anyway, his analagy was right on; "Gonzalez is to OSU what T.J. Houshmanzadeh is to the Bengals." Both are great No. 2 wideouts.

Then Barry wanted to talk about Texas QB Colt McCoy, whose offseason heroics helped save the life of a man having a heart attack or something. The story of McCoy and his father swimming across a lake to help the man has gotten a lot of run this week.

"And his dad's name is Brad," Barry said. "What a faggot. His name should be Truck or something."

9:27 -- Personal foul? That was an awful call. Football is a contact sport. At least it is in Ohio, you pansy-ass Texans.

9:29 -- Of course, the bad call gave Texas new downs and the Longhorns get a touchdown to tie the game, when it should be 7-3. Merry Christmas, assholes. And not long after ABC showed Brad McCoy kiss his wife in the stands, Barry called back.

"Yah, did you get to kiss your wife, Braaaaaad?"

9:37 -- Beer No. 3.

9:39 -- "AAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!" is about what it sounded like in my apartment when Smith found Ginn for a 29-yard touchdown pass.

9:42 -- Talked to the Baton. She's kickin' it at grad school in Richmond, a little stressed out. I'll see her next week in Louisville.

9:45 -- brokedickdog, a frequent contributor to this blog who's been AWOL for about a month, sends a weak text message.

9:50 -- Talked to old dude Dave, an OSU med school grad now living in Chicago. He had some friends over, Iowa and Illinois grads. Nice games they played today, btw. Anyway, Dave's a good dude and it's a shame I wasn't able to kick it with him for this weekend. He seemed to agree with my take that if OSU scores more points than Texas, than the Bucks should be able to win this game. He and I have always been on the same page like that, not unlike E.T. and Elliott.

10:01 -- Barry and I talked again but as usual, nothing noteworthy was covered.

10:09 -- Something very noteworthy takes place when OSU's James Laurinaitis returns an interception deep into Texas territory. The Bucks get a field goal a couple minutes later to go up, 17-7.

10:18 -- Beer No. 4.

10:19 -- BUUUURRRRRRPPPPPPPP!!!!!

10:35 -- OSU has about six or seven penalties so far in this game, including one that was quite questionable that led to a Texas touchdown, and the Longhorns just incurred its first with 1:53 left in the third quarter. Do you expect me to believe Texas had played flag-free football for nearly 45 minutes? That's called home cookin', but the host has still only scored seven points. And OSU's big concern in the preseason was its defense that had to replace nine starters, most of whom will be on NFL rosters on tomorrow's opening day. When you take a step back and really think about it, has Tressel ever had a bad defense?

10:38 -- That Jon Lovitz is flirting with a spot on the Celebrity Death Plane. Those Subway commercials where he says, "Eat fresh," with the emphasis on "fresh," are extremely annoying.

10:40 -- Beer No. 5

10:41 -- Brent Musberger, who I normally love when he calls OSU games on ABC, is definitely losing his mind. He was talking about all the former players and celebs on both teams' sidelines, and referenced Heisman Trophy winner Eddie George, then former OSU star Cris Carter. "George and Carter were together for a long time," Musberger said. That's not even close to accurate. They played at OSU in different decades and never were NFL teammates. Jackass.

10:42 -- Speaking of celebs ... an old friend and former colleague is in charge of distributing media credentials at the University of Texas. I inquired six or eight weeks ago about a sideline photographer's credential, as I represent a respected international media outlet. He pawned me off to an underling in his office, who directed me to a Web site to fill out a formal application. I got an automated reply that told me I didn't qualify for a photographer's credential. I realize that space is limited in such a big game, but then I just saw Matthew McConaughey on the sideline. Boy, that would have been inconvenient had I gotten in his way. I'm sure he was hard at it as he represented the working media.

10:48 -- Just opened a brand new bag of chips.

10:53 -- Just as I was going to call out Mack Brown for that third upper lip, Barry called to make one simple announcement: "Herpes." The conversation didn't last very long after that. I told him I'd noticed it too. ABC showed a tight shot on him reacting to yet another penalty on OSU left tackle Alex Boone. He's the program's next Orlando Pace in that he's gigantic and talented and athletic for his size, but he seems to be struggling under the pressure of a high-profile game.

11:08 -- Called my dude John Drees to celebrate a little early. His take is that what we'll hear a lot of from the experts is that OSU and Texas could meet again, and Colt McCoy will have a full season under his belt, so the Horns should be more dangerous in January.

You know who will also be dangerous in January? An Ohio State defense with a full season under its belt. The same defense that experts have been so nervous about, having to replace nine starters and so forth. That young, inexperienced defense held Texas, a team that had scored 40+ points in 12 straight games, to only seven points. Start making plans to buy tickets for the Ohio State-Notre Dame game in the BCS national championship game in Arizona in January. And keep in mind that OSU has played bowl games in Arizona three of the last four Januarys, and has won them all. Troy Smith is simply awesome in big games. Keep that in mind when the Bucks go to Iowa in a few weeks, and again when they put their 11-0 record on the line in Columbus on Nov. 18 against Michigan.

11:19 -- Beer No. 6ix.