Client 9

New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer looks to be out of a job. Here are some thoughts:

I'll call him a loser for cheating on his wife and presumably lying to her and the family subsequently, but I won't necessarily call him a scumbag for financing prostitution. Being sexually deviant I'm guessing is not always a choice. At some point during your adulthood, or if you're an 18-year-old girl on Spring Break and Joe Francis' "Girls Gone Wild" camera crew is approaching, you realize you've got quite the sexual appetite. Some people have active imaginations that turn into hungry physical desires and even perhaps unusual fetishes. I've read some pretty dark stuff over the years, and one common theme about prostitution is that those who buy it aren't only turned on by the sex, but moreso by the illegality of it. There's a thrill factor there for those who love danger. In fact, those who pay for sex are often "normal" men leading "normal" lives who have decent jobs and wives and kids. Don't judge a person for his or her sexual preferences.

But I will call him a dumbass. And you should feel free to judge harshly about his choices considering his job title and marital status. When all you do in your professional life is achieve, it's probably safe to say you're a man of strong character. But sooner or later, you need to realize that you cannot simultaneously be paying for sex when your business card reads "Governor, State Of New York." Especially if you're married. These things typically do not mix well. If you're the governor, stop paying for sex, and stop having sex with anyone other than your wife.

I never get why wives almost always show up at press conferences taking the stand-by-your-man approach when the heroic husband is announcing that he's an adulterer. He's committed the ultimate sin. You don't owe him an appearance just because a bunch of reporters have gathered around a podium with a state seal on it.

I also don't get why people like Hillary Clinton and others say things like, "We've got the Spitzer family in our thoughts and prayers right now. We know this is a tough time for them." That makes it sound like hooker-boy is a victim here, and he's the farthest thing from it.

Lying Liars

I know plenty of people who throw their arms up in the air and basically say something like, "All politicians lie. I never know who or what to believe. To hell with it; I'm not voting."

I'm often in line with this, as there are so many times when Candidate A says "Candidate B did this and said that," and Candidate B fires back later that day with a flat-out denial, punctuated by a, "It was actually Candidate A whose voting record would suggest such-n-such." It just goes back and forth and the whole thing makes you feel like more reliable information is available on TMZ.com.

And if politicians aren't lying with their words, don't think that means they're not full of shit. I just saw a clip on a local station of the hopeless Rudy Giuliani eating some corn flakes at a Florida diner, surrounded by photographers and of course, those hard-working, common-man voters. He flashed a big thumbs up as if to say, "My, these are sooooome corn flakes. If I wasn't campaigning, I'd still surely be here and I'd really be enjoying these people and especially this fine bowl of cereal." Good Lord, I'd ask when does it end, but for Giuliani, I'm afraid I already know.