Miscellaneous Rant

Check back later tonight for a recap of my weekend in Louisville. But for now, it's time to once again critique the television business that feeds me.

Ohio friends Dave and John like to rant about redundacies in the language, particularly by those who are paid to know and speak it well, like TV reporters and anchors. They really like "arson fire", "ATM machine" and "VIN number."

Dave wrote in to tell me that over the weekend, he saw news reports about ER rooms and police canine dog units. Splendid.

And as I was crafting what was meant to be a brief and hopefully entertaining retort -- on my boss' watch, of course -- I found myself still typing 15 minutes later. So here it is: Three things I love about the morning pregame shows on the second Sunday of every NFL season.

1) Is there a quarterback controversy brewing in (name of any city that's home to an 0-1 NFL team)?
2) Is Raider Nation ready to give up all hope on the 2006 season?
3) Are the Browns already calling it a must-win game in Week 2?

First of all, most controversies in the history of man are creations of the media. Calling it the sensational media nowadays is akin, Dave, to saying ER room, ARM mortgage or anything of that ilk, because it is implicit and therefore redundant. But the controversies are more prevalent in sports, where the Stuart Scotts and Linda Cohns love to create something out of nothing. Controversy? If a coach makes a change, it's not the same as a controversy. And the coach hasn't even made the quarterback change just yet, so why did you send your reporter to Denver or Green Bay or wherever to do a two-minute package on it? Oh, I know, because that tired NFL pregame show is two hours long and Kenny Mayne can only fill so much time in his otherwise excellent Mayne Event piece each week.

I think I do how you can fill the time: Why not hire some former NFL players to step off the set and prance over over to a mini-football field where they can relive their glory days with a slo-mo walk through of a route that Randy Moss might run later today in a game where he'll finish with four catches for 52 yards. That's valuable insight. Don't forget to take off your burnt orange suit coat, Michael Irvin. Gots to be comfortable!