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Monday, June 23, 2008

Shaq Is Whaq

I'd like to take this opportunity to introduce you to the world's heaviest loser.

His name is Shaquille O'Neal, better known as an aging, lately irrelevant, always-overrated 900-pound basketball player. Dennis Rodman years ago had a great quote about him, that I shall paraphrase now: "Shaq has two moves: Dunk and dunk."

How Shaq made the NBA's all-time top 50 players list a few years ago I'll never know. He's only good because he is gigantic and the rim is only 10 feet off the ground. But that all-time team should have been reserved for people with skill.

Anyway, over the weekend, at a club here in New York, Shaq took the stage and grabbed the mike, because most athletes think their job title entitles them to a rap career. Shaq is as good at rapping as he is at leading teams to NBA championships.

The main criticism in his lyrics was that Kobe Bryant, the best player in the world right now and one of the top five ever to play the game, can't win a championship without him. This from a guy who won three titles with Kobe and coach Phil Jackson, and his fourth with Dwyane Wade and coach Pat Riley in 2006.

If someone needs Shaq to win a championship by himself, please go ahead and forget about that. Shoot, he can't even help a team loaded with stars Steve Nash, Amare Stoudemire and Grant Hill past the first round of the playoffs.

Shaq, go ahead and retire, because you are terrible. Please do not wait for a trade-deadline deal next February where you can say at a press conference, "When people say I'm done, I have a habit of winning championships." That's the farthest thing from the truth; you won three in Los Angeles because you were in your prime, had a great supporting cast that included Kobe Bryant and your coach was Phil Jackson. And you won one past your prime because your guys in Miami were Wade and Riley. If once is a habit, then I've only slept with beautiful women.

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5 Comments:

At 2:59 PM EDT, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wilt, Russell, Bird, Jordan. Oscar, Magic. Which 2 is Kobe better than? Are you kidding? He wasn't the best player on his championship teams!

 
At 5:03 PM EDT, Blogger Big Primpin' said...

Don't know if you're disagreeing with my point about Shaq or just being a contrarian in general. But Kobe has probably four more years of prime left, then a couple more years after that. By then, he'll have had a better NBA career than Bird, putting him in the top five.

 
At 9:01 AM EDT, Anonymous ace said...

Bird and Kite had the best mullets circa 85

 
At 9:05 AM EDT, Anonymous ace said...

Kobe top 30, not top 5

 
At 3:01 PM EDT, Anonymous Anonymous said...

That's like saying Phil Jackson is a good coach. I could Coach Jordan and the Bulls. Hay Mike just take over the game and everyone else pass Mike the ball.

 

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